I've been living in Denver for a little over a year and a half now. I still have a love/hate for this city. I'm not sure if it's just "Denver" or Colorado as a whole, I just haven't been able to attach myself fully enough to make it a place I call home. I've been living in a small one bedroom apartment in downtown Denver in a neighborhood called Five Points. I will say living in a complex is not a good fit for roman (my pup) and I. I sometimes feel like i'm re-living my college dorm lifestyle with loud partying neighbors, doors that slam all around me, and bowling balls that sound like they're being dropped on the floors above me. Not having a patio or back yard space is huge for us. And our front stoop is not an ideal place to hang out. Not to mention we only get an hour of sunlight that peeks through our window each day. One of Roman's favorite things to do is lay in the sun so I feel his sadness wandering around the house looking for a spot to lay. Working from home is also hard for me in the daytime because there is no natural light that shines through. I need more light. City life has been heavy.
I try and change my mindset in times when I get lonely, sad, or depressed in my apartment and be grateful to be able to rent out my own spot in a city so many would love to live. Many times I question should I have moved here? It took a lot out of me to move to a city and start from scratch without knowing anyone. I literally sold everything I had to make the move possible and am so proud to say I moved myself and Roman on my own in one jeep full of things. Of course there were many bumps on the road getting started here. It wasn't an easy move to say the least. In the first few months my jeep got broken in to, my brakes went out, my jeep just failed me completely and I had to trade it in. I slept on an air mattress for 6 months because I couldn't afford a bed. To be honest I didn't even end up buying a bed. I bought a memory foam which is wonderful b/c when it comes time to get up and move again, I can just toss it and go! And it's actually very comfortable. So yes, I've learned a lot about life in this process.
So when I ask the question should I have moved? The answer will always be yes. I've learned so much about myself in these last 20 months than I had in all of my 20's as a whole. I learned to love myself for the very first time. Spend time with myself. Want to take myself out on dates. Honor myself, mind and body, and the space of those I share my energy with. Some may call this selfish behavior but I have no reason to apologize. It is what I needed. The purpose of me being in Denver was not to create and grow my business which is what I have come to realize. My purpose for being here was to learn how to live on my own and be with myself in a space that wasn't driven by bad habits or using the energy of others for my happiness. My purpose for being here was to sit still for a while, quiet the mind, get out of the chaos, live in the moment, and find happiness within. Putting in the time for grounding, meditating, healing, journaling, and figuring out who I am and what I want out of life is what this year has been about. I am finally learning to love myself first, and yes there are still moments where I don't show myself the love I need and as soon as that happens I feel out of alignment and I immediately figure out what I need to do for myself to realign.
Denver will always be this place in my heart that helped me grow and heal. I needed this time and space to share with only myself. My lease is coming to an end late November, just a few months away and I am so excited to begin a new journey. I feel stronger and braver than I ever have in my life. I am extremely grateful for all those who have crossed my path. I have made a handful of friends that I will stay connected to forever. Isn't that the best part of life anyway? It really doesn't matter what city we are in, it's the connections we make on our journey that last a life time. Heart is full and ready for this new eclipse season. Share some feedback if this resonates for you. Sometimes life gets lonely and I know many of you out there have felt or feel this way too.
Here's a few of my favorite moments in Denver these past few months. Mountains, adventures, road trips, vintage, gems, jewels, live music, art, yoga and tacos are always in my alignment:)